insert witty title here

The Top Five irritating drivers in Christopher’s world


#5

Tunnel Vision
She wants to cross that yellow centerline into the Pick n’ Spend and dammit, she’s gonna wait there for an opening in oncoming traffic no matter how many cars stack up behind her. Don’t waste your time hoping that she’ll realize that driving to the next block and doubling back would actually get her to her destination in less time. She has her eye on the prize and ain’t nothing gonna distract her – least of all common sense.


#4

Ebony & Ivory
Like the song’s namesake, this one feels incomplete when alone and prefers to cozy up next to you in the passing lane and stay there, right by your side, for mile after mile after mile...


#3

The Anti-Merge
Suffering from what appears to be a complete lack of depth perception, this individual refuses to turn right and merge if there’s even a hint of another car coming their way – not only in their lane, but in every lane. Got a 3-lane road? The Anti-Merge isn’t budging until all three lanes are clear.


#2:

The Creep
This individual comes to a full stop at least 5 car lengths behind the next person at the light and then proceeds to move forward in 3-foot increments, creating the inchworm effect for everyone else in line.


#1:

The Dawdler
Without any regard for the fifteen vehicles in line behind him, this inconsiderate bastard thinks that as long as he can make it through that left turn light, then what’s the hurry? So he finishes his sandwich or his text message or whatever the hell else it is that he’s doing instead of stepping on the accellerator, and smugly takes his time so that only two cars make the turn instead of the ten or twelve that the light was designed for.