insert witty title here

I figure that the only time I'm not thinking about Heather & her daughter is when I'm asleep.

I'm not thinking unkind thoughts or feeling all pouty and hard-done-by when I think about them. She had to decide for herself what she felt was the right thing to do and as much as I want to, I simply cannot resent her for that.

Before she left we spoke of many things and one of the observations I made was that I believe that each of us has an obligation to critique our own behaviour and to not let ourselves be distracted from that by critiquing the behaviour of others.

Or as the adage goes: when you point a finger at someone, there are three other fingers pointing back at you"

And so I sit at my desk...drive through town...exercise at the gym and lay awake at night listening to the upstairs neighbours fuck and I think about the ways that I failed to provide them with what they needed.

There's little that's black and white in my thoughts....there's far too many shades of gray. Although I let events rewind through my mind, there's no list....no moment of insight where I can point and say "A-ha! That's the moment when things fell apart!".

Instead all I feel is a little bewildered and a whole lot of sorrow for the heartache that the three of us share.


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I took my kids to the Vancouver amusement park today. It's a rare moment when I can corral all three of them into participating in the same activity and it was a pleasant time for everyone.

My oldest boy isn't much into the rides, but he did win himself a large inflatable hammer by playing the strength tester

My younger son is very much into the rides that make your stomach churn, so I accompanied him on a number of those. Good thing I skipped on the hot dog for lunch...

My 10-year old daughter, not normally one for adrenaline rushes, insisted on trying out the Hellevator and the Beach Party.

On the drive home all three fell asleep and for a moment it made me feel like I really was a dad again.


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She headed down I-405 pretty much this time last week.

They say that the five stages of loss are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression, and
Acceptance

Denial lasted about four and a half minutes and I blew through Anger two days ago. Ain't nothing to bargain, so I'm wading through Depression and wondering what's taking Acceptance so damn long to arrive.

The wonderful thing about tracking one's finances on a spreadsheet is that it allows one to go back and do a little math.


a year's worth of long distance telephone calls: $1,040.00
a year's worth of flights: $3,504.56
a year's worth of gifts, wedding arrangements, car tires, loan payouts & travel expenses: $3,641.81


discovering that it was all for nothing...

...priceless


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Last post.

Through this concept called the Internet I've many many wonderful people...and there have been times when I've met a few troubling ones as well. All in all though, it's been a good run and this weblog has opened up many new doors of perception for me.

But I think the time has come to close this chapter of my life and end things on a good note. I leave you with this quotation from William James:


These, then, are my last words to you: Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create that fact.


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WTF??

Driver thought his video games skills would help him flee cops

TROY -- A suspect who led police on a high-speed chase through several towns told investigators he was afraid to go back to jail and he had become convinced by his skill at video games that he could outrun the law, according to police....

..."I was crazy. I've been playing a lot of 'Grand Theft Auto' and 'NASCAR' on PlayStation," McMillian allegedly told Centanni. "I thought I could get away."...

...He led officers through Green Island, Watervliet, Menands, Albany, Guilderland, Colonie and Rensselaer before hitting another Troy police car and a civilian's car in Defreestville, police said.

McMillian is charged with three counts of first-degree reckless endangerment and one count of second-degree criminal mischief, both felonies; two counts of endangering the welfare of a child and one count of resisting arrest, all misdemeanors; and numerous traffic violations.

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When I walked out to my truck this morning, I discovered that someone had stolen my Support Our Troops magnet from the tailgate.

These magnets are ubiquitous in the USA, but are unavailable for sale here in Canada - which should give you an idea of how little regard our soldiers are held in by the average Canadian.

As Bill Maher once wryly observed, a "support our troops" sticker is literally the least you can do to demonstrate solidarity with the men and women who stand in harm's way; but I always felt that by having that on my truck, I was reminding people that there were Canadian soldiers out there putting their life on the line to foster a better way of life.


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Have you ever wondered why countries are called one thing in the local language, but something else in a different language?

For example, The United States is called "Les Etates Unis" in France & Quebec and Germans refer to Canada as "Kanada".

It always seemed strange to me that we wouldn't just refer to a country by what the locals have named it.

Germany isn't Germany....to them it's Deutschland. Poland is Polske to the Poles. To the locals, Japan has always been Nippon.

You can see the whole list here.


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Man’s testicles snared in a padlock for two weeks

On Saturday, July 30, at about 3:40 a.m., Brentwood police assisted ambulance and rescue personnel with a 39-year-old man with a padlock on his testicles.

According to police, the man, who police are not identifying, was intoxicated when they arrived on scene.

The man reported that the padlock had been on his testicles for two weeks. Cpl. H.D. Wood IV said the man reported that a friend put the lock on his testicles. He was allegedly severely intoxicated and passed out. He told police that when he woke up the padlock was placed around top his scrotum and his friend was gone.

"Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Wood said.
The man reported to police that he allegedly attempted to remove the padlock with a hacksaw after the key broke off inside the lock.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith was called to remove the lock.

The hospital reported that the man was treated and released without sustaining lasting injury.

The Brentwood Fire Department would not comment on the incident, citing patient confidentiality

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How well do you know your own parents?

Considering that they are (usually) the two most influential people in a person's life, I find it interesting that most of us take them for granted to such a degree that we barely know anything about them as individuals.

Kids in grade one or two are reknowned for funny assumptions about what their parents do for a living (my oldest once said "you go to work and tell everyone what to do, just like at home") but when you think about it, we don't really do much to improve that knowledge as the years go by.

If you had to, could you tell your parent's life story? What their favorite ice cream flavour is? Who they admire? Why they value certain things over others?

We tend to fear death not because of dying itself, but because of the foreknowledge that we'll soon be forgotten.

Perhaps the best way to repay your parents for the gift of life is to let them know that their life story will be woven into the tapestry of your children's family history.

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Another day with nothing to say

well....that's not entirely true.

I have lots on my mind but none of it is bloggable material...which begs the question: if I feel compelled to censor my own weblog then what's the point in having one?

I miss my kids.



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One blog created 'every second'

The blogosphere is continuing to grow, with a weblog created every second, according to blog trackers Technorati.

In its latest State of the Blogosphere report, it said the number of blogs it was tracking now stood at more than 14.2m blogs, up from 7.8m in March.

It suggests, on average, the number of blogs is doubling every five months.

What the article doesn't say is that at least 80% of those blogs don't last past the third post and of the other 20%, over half are virtually incomprehensible in any language.

Other than the one you're currently reading *chuckle*, what's the saddest excuse for a weblog that you've ever come across?

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Since late April, this weblog has slowly become a bit of a grind to update. I've found myself with less and less to say and what I do find to say doesn't exactly glow with originality.

Reading over many other weblogs I know that it's common to experience a bit of blogger burnout and to take a break for a while, but I suspect that if I were to do that, I'd likely not return to this weblog...so I stick with it until I'm ready to hang it up for good.

I suspect that August is going to be a busy month, with both work and non-work issues competing for my attention. Somewhere in there I'll also need to find some time for myself, but it's my nature to make that a distant third when it comes to priorizing the things in my life.

But today is a statutory holiday, so I'm going to get out and make the most of it.


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