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This dumbass advice article says that for guys, there are women you shouldn't miss, and there are women to avoid in 2004. The article says that men shouldn't miss:

The Teacher
Although underpaid, the teacher gets lots of appreciation from her students. That makes her happy and a wonderful match. "When you get a lot of satisfaction from your job during the day, you're not a needy person at night," says Judy, an elementary school teacher.

The Vixen
This foxy, shrewd woman is just right for uncertain times and can add frivolity to any situation. "Everyone is buttoned-up way too tight," says Rose, a self-proclaimed vixen. "I like to unbutton them and see what happens."

The Scientist
Not only does this woman like to experiment, but she also realizes that the brain is truly the sexiest organ. Her methodical and logical personality makes her a truly stimulating match.

And this year men should avoid:

The Nurse
A thankless role to begin with, the nurse continues to be overworked and under-appreciated. There's not a lot of capacity for loving and caring after a 12-hour shift of care-taking.

The Girl Next Door
Although as American as apple pie, the girl next door has stalled in the cul de sac of suburb life. She's too concerned about car pooling and express checkout to slow down and enjoy what truly matters.

The Britney Wanna-be
Aren't we all getting a little tired of Britney herself — let alone those women who think they can imitate the stylings and attitudes of the promiscuous pop star? Instead, stick with the tried-and-trued vixen.


So in the spirit of generosity I offer Christopher's version of the entire article...for women:

Bob has found himself in great demand as of late.

Old girlfriends are checking in, and new girlfriends call all the time. Females always want him by their sides.

Why? Bob has a nice ass. Bob is a male exotic dancer. "With the current state of the economy, everyone realizes how much a nice ass can make them feel better," he says. "And I can get them feeling pretty good."

As a result, everyone wants access to Bob. "My social life has picked up, that's for sure," he says.

"Bob is the sort of person that you always feel good about being around," says Joan, a financial analyst. "He doesn't pretend to know all the answers but he has a nice ass."

This makes Bob a very coveted man. And one of several that women shouldn't miss this year.

Meanwhile, there's Larry, a video store clerk. "I have to deal with the goddamn customers," he says.

With all of his anger and gloominess, Larry is a man to avoid. "My date with Larry was about as fun as watching Showgirls," says Linda, an accountant. "he kept talking about the goddamn customers."

Bob and Larry — and their roles — are indicative of some of the choices women face as far as potential matches for the coming year: There are men you shouldn't miss, and there are men to avoid.

This year, don't miss:

The Skipper
Although known to have crashed into the only piece of land in a 3000 mile radius, the Skipper is the sort of fellow who doesn't let his ineptitude get him down. That makes him happy and a wonderful match. "When you get a lot of satisfaction from whacking Gilligan about the head during the day, you're not a needy person at night," says Jonas Grumby.

The Professor
The MacGyver of the sixties, Roy Hinkley is the sort of man any woman would want to share a home with. Not only can he build you a bamboo exercycle, keep your radio batteries charged up and make coconut grenades but the Professor is also oblivious to the charms of young ladies bearing banana cream pies.

Gilligan
If you're the sort of woman who likes to mother her man, then Gilligan is the man for you. By occasionally whacking him on the head you'll have an obedient little guy who'll happily do all of your dirty jobs for the rest of his life.

This year you may want to avoid:

The Millionaire
In addition to already being married, Thurston Howell III is too concerned with money to be attentive and loving. He also tends to spend a lot of time around a certain redheaded actress and although no one can prove anything, he seems content to have separate beds with his wife.